The dirty C-word...

Becoming a commuter has been an interesting experience.

There's a whole other world that I never knew existed when I used to wake up and walk two blocks to work, while living in Hoboken. Commuting takes skill and is a breed of it's own.

When I first moved to Manhattan, I learned quickly that other Manhattanites looked down upon those that flooded their bars, their sidewalks & their jobs and didn’t actually live in the city. They condescendingly referred to these intruders as "B&T.", short for "Bridge and Tunnel". Obviously, for our not-so-quick readers, this is a term used to describe those that take the bridge or the tunnel in to infringe on the island of Manhattan. I technically became “B&T” when I moved across the river to Hoboken. Call this an excuse if you must, but Hoboken is so closely integrated with Manhattan,  I definitely couldn't tell a difference between a Hobokenite and a Manahattanite. A night in Manhattan or Hoboken was all the same to me. Same prices, same people, same city feel. I felt like if I threw a rock from Hoboken's pier, it might land in the beer of someone sitting at our favorite summer happy hour spot on the west side, the Frying Pan. Or if I could stomach the stench and dared to swim across the Hudson, it might take me 20 minutes, max..So, it really didn’t count.

It didn't take long to discover that if you really wanted to see a true version of B&T, then you should definitely check out the ladies room at Penn Station after a recent arrival of the LIRR (Long Island Railroad) on a Saturday night. Whoa! In San Diegan terms- It's the difference between going to PB Bar & Grill (my "city" attire) & going to TJ (B&T "city" attire). Where are these girls going dressed like that? As if a night in the city only happens once a year, or once a decade, these chicks had bought out "shouldn't be wearing that in public-R-Us"! It was hilarious, as well as a bit disturbing. Is there a hidden spot in Manhattan that harbors the scantily clad? I hadn't seen these ladies anywhere that I  had frequented in the last four years, thankfully. They definitely would have stood out, hard to do in New York City. Bravo ladies- this is how stereo-types are born.

A commuter develops a routine that is dictated by train schedules that causes very unnecessary stress if anything in your day goes awry. Long Beach trains on the LIRR are few & far-in-between so most of the time, no matter how much time you’ve left yourself, you’re always rushing to catch your usual train home. Missing it can reduce a grown chick to tears or in my case, to eating Taco Bell Express at Penn Station. Don’t knock it- the cheesy Gordita box for 5 bucks rocks...Missing the train heading into work, just doesn’t seem so bad.. Or maybe that's just me.

Luckily, it's, for some odd reason, legal to drink on the LIRR. They sell beer at Penn Station outside of the tracks (Rose Pizza outside tracks 13-19 has the best deal!), a habit I had to nip in the bud (no pun intended) the first week.  I do think it's weird that even though it's technically "legal" to drink a brewski on the train, there's still a need to hide your bottle in a brown paper bag. Maybe it’s a “rule” but it’s not a very smart one.  I can only guess this is solely to the benefit of those budget beer drinkers. I would hide Natty Ice Light, or Lucky Lager as well. (C'mon, those riddles under the cap were fun when we were in college.. And too poor to have taste buds) But I often wonder, is the brown bag to beer, the equivalent of an invisibility cloak to Harry Potter? If you can't see the label, it must not be alcohol? Who drinks Orange Fanta out of a paper bag? If anything, it calls attention to exactly what you're doing right on the spot. I once got off the train in Long Beach at three in the afternoon, on a week day- where there are no beer vendors in sight - & saw a guy getting on the train headed to Penn Station with a beer in a brown paper sack. Did you really just bring that from home & take the time to disguise it in your kid's lunch bag? I know what you're doing.. And I don't get it. Drink beer & be proud. Even (actually, especially!) if it is in the middle of the day.

At first I didn't sit in the same seat on the train every day and learned the hard way. People will sit wherever you are, if given the chance. There is no personal space on this side of the world. I've been sat next to, across from, and more often then not, sat ON. The seats that face each other are always a "no-no". Soon your knees, ankles, and shoelaces will be intertwined with some stranger sitting directly across from you, awkwardly staring at you, as you try to find something else to gaze at. I've been crawled on by kids while their mom conveniently looked the other way and have become the filling of an ice cream sandwich while two large Jamaican (not Jamaica Queens) women sat on either side of me and continued to talk through me. It is in these moments that trains should adopt the airline rule of purchasing two seats...each.  I've been talked to, talked about & even asked to borrow my phone. Too shocked to say no, I just handed it over. It's been an interesting experience.

Eventually one stops fighting the gravitational pull to the same seat in the same car & starts to notice the same people everyday, though they all pretend not to notice you. Like the guy who rocks out so hard to his music while wearing his extra large headphones, you can't help but assume he thinks he's alone. Or the people who talk incredibly loud on their cellphone as if we all are dying to hear about what "Brenda" said or what "Bill" had the nerve to do last night! Be careful...

I don’t dare talk on my cell phone on the LIRR. It initially sounded like a good idea because on the subway you don’t have cell phone service as all subway cars are underground. However, an hour-long train ride above ground on the LIRR seems like the perfect opportunity to catch up on phone time. This is a big mistake. Never really being a phone person, I didn’t ever take advantage of the supposed opportunity just out of respect for the other passengers on a very quiet train and honestly, I don’t enjoy broadcasting my personal business. However, now I don’t use it simply out of fear. I watched a man next to me lose his mind on an unsuspecting airhead who was yapping loudly on her cell phone. He told her, in his very thick Long Island accent to “shut the f-up” and that she must be divorced for a reason and that he paid way too much for his train seats to listen to her bullshit- all in one breath. She must be used to such outbursts as she didn’t even bat an eye and continued to blabber on. I was terrified.  The guy who was also sitting next to him was as well as he pretended to use the bathroom and never came back.


I have been lucky enough to make friends with one of the ticket-takers on my train rides home. Only because he readied himself to call an ambulance when he thought I was under extreme duress during one of my first train rides. I guess I was, I had just run full speed from the Path train at Herald Square all the way to track 19 at Penn Station, in less than 5 minutes, with an extra large sub sandwich in my bag! Which I have to guess weighed more than my laptop with the homemade mozzarella. When I finally took a seat, I was heaving like a 90-year old man with emphysema, so I appreciated his concern. He hasn't forgotten almost saving my life so we chat when he sees me feverishly working on my lap top daily on the train. Sometimes I get lucky & he doesn't clip my ticket. Yes, a free ride! At $8.25 each way, this is a very nice perk! $16.50 a day adds up fast, especially for me who then takes another train to Hoboken- another $3.50 a day. Doesn't quite seem worth it to commute 3 hours a day for two hours of work but the drones we are, we do what we have to do..

Everything seems completely worth it when I see people looking at my feet on the Path train in the morning- my final train that takes me from Manhattan in to Hoboken. I follow their gaze to my feet & just smile, as I casually brush the rest of the beach sand off my sneakers.. “take that” ladies & gentlemen!